clement cell

  HELLO ALL ! You already know about my life currently because i already spilled the beans in the last blog. I wrote about how i cried and hated this new life. But i think now i am settling into it, slowly but surely.  However, these past few days i have been repressing and avoiding alot of emotions. And then, when they randomly pop into my mind, i feel something heavy in my chest and a wave of anxiety courses through my body. I did not expect this all to be easy but i am worried these few months will drain the life out of me. I can  convince myself that bad things will happen and i will move on swiftly, but often reality does not play out like that. Traumatic experiences do leave a scar, they affect me deeply just like anyone else. I need to be more careful and stop recklessly putting myself in bad situations, underestimating their consequences on someone as sensitive as me. Because chances are, either i will actually forget the whole ordeal or it will haunt me till the ...

Hey, it has been so long.  First of all, I want to apologise for abandoning you all. My laptop had stopped working, did not even turn on. I just got a new laptop TODAY and i could not wait to write again. So, a lot has happened in the past few weeks.  - history board exam - college admission - my birthday crashout - new laptop  - new place to live. Yes that is right. I moved out of home. i went to some other shitty city.  Whole of last month was characterised by me feeling like all my options are shitty. it is either this horrible city or some other horrible city. I felt like no matter what i want, i will have to wait years and till then just keep compromising on everything. I knew i was going to be unhappy, my family did not let me go far before they pulled me back to my reality.  I have a strong feeling i am going to resent them for not letting me go and it will happen slowly and eventually until the only thing i want is to escape them.  i was only there ...